A Sheep Learning Curve

image from author’s collection

A true story from the annals of The Fearn Bobby, forerunner to The Fearn Oracle. I was a relatively new police officer in the far north of Scotland, out on patrol one evening with the local Sergeant. He was mentoring me and explaining some of the intricacies of remote rural policing.

There had been some reports of the odd sheep or two going missing in the Tain area. We obviously were aware of that and had been keeping a watch during our patrols. I asked him how a sheep could get stolen. 'Did they shoot them?' I was not from Sheep country. He laughed and told me he would demonstrate one method that might be employed. He made me drive the old Bedford police van onto the Struie Hill road.

It was a summer evening. There were sheep lying on the grass verge beside the road.

The eagle eyed Sergeant spotted a likely candidate, one of said slumbering sheep was facing away from us. A visual aid for my lesson. Well, to be more accurate, an unsuspecting actor in the vital training of the Scottish Police service. I was driving and, as instructed, slowed down and moved over to the nearside verge. Further instructions followed.

‘Get as close as you can to the verge, slow down, drive at no more than walking pace, concentrate and do not panic’.

The front doors of that model of Bedford van, were sliding doors. At the appropriate moment the Sergeant slid open the passenger door, grabbed the back of the seat with his right hand and leaned right out the van, his left arm outstretched. As I slowly passed the beast, he run his hand along its left flank, grabbed the far away horn and swung the unsuspecting creature inside the van in an easy flowing motion.

I was not really prepared for that and nearly drove off the road as I was assaulted by a flurry of flailing hooves and legs, and what I assumed was sheep shit.

My first thought when I had gained control of the van was, ‘Hmmm, methinks he has done this before.’

Less then five seconds and one sheep in the back of the van. It was that easy. A lesson in rustling. We humanely deposited the bewildered sheep back on the verge and drove off.

I was on a sheep learning curve.

That story first appeared in my book, ‘The Fearn Bobby’, published by Extremis Publishing Limited.