Aliens in the Undergrowth

Finn, my alien hunting Border Terrier

It was a pleasant meander one early Spring evening. I was strolling with my wee dog Finn, through a local wood, probably more accurate to call it a copse. It was not a big wood.

The smell of a family barbecue and laughter drifted through the wood. Life was good.

As I wandered, so did my mind, it does that. At the same time my wee dog was also wandering and looking for things to chew, sniff, pee on or bark at. Mind you, he is a terrier.

He scuttled out of my sight, round behind a tree and into a patch of some undergrowth. Sniffing out another rabbit I mused. Then I heard a low growl from deep in his throat. Hmmm I thought, this sounds serious, what has he found?

I skipped, perhaps skipped is the wrong word, tripped might be more accurate, around the tree after him and stopped dead in my tracks. He was growling deeply, hackles up and in that crouched, ready to pounce position that terriers take up. A few feet in front of him was the reason for the stand off and his particularly terrier like behaviour.

aliens in the undergrowth

My dog had disturbed a family of aliens as they were stealthily moving through the undergrowth. They seemed to be led by an adult, the mother perhaps. Difficult to tell with aliens which is the mother and which is the father. I had never encountered aliens before, so I was not in a position to make a judgement.

Perhaps, like the Aspidoscelis genus of lizard, the Whiptail Lizard for example, these aliens had no need for a male. Could they, like the Whiptail, reproduce without the need for male fertilisation. Maybe they are of the parthenogenetic species and are genetically isolated? Or is this stemntifoliud? In my panic, I cannot think.

I know what I need to do, I need to sneak a photograph. No, not a selfy.

Then I came to my senses. What are they? Who cares how they breed.

We might be surrounded, I might have stumbled into an alien invasion, ‘Independence Day’. No can’t be, that was in September.

Should I contact Roswell, they will know what to do. I sensed a world changing moment and only my brave terrier was on hand to save the planet.

I need to find Finn and skedaddle.

Where is he?

More rustling in the undergrowth, this time behind me. I turn slowly, trying not to make a quick movement. Oh no! Another one, a BIG one. Where did it come from?

mother alien

I am surrounded. I look back to the first group. They are nowhere to be seen. Just melted into the undergrowth. I quickly look round. The big one, where is it. Gone.

Got to get out of here.

Where is that dog? I frantically look about for him. Nowhere to be seen.

Then more rustling behind bushes to my left. My fear of another alien encounter is replaced by the even bigger fear of arriving home and telling my wife her dog has been abducted by Jovians from Jupiter. Assuming of course I actually get home that is.

What do extraterrestrials do with humans? Will they examine me?

Where the hell have they gone? I gingerly edge forward and peek over the bush.

Agh! Too late. He is rolling about in fox shit.

No, not the alien, Finn.

Bastard.

I get the lead back on him, carefully.

Back home I telephone the only obvious authority on aliens I know. However the UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) person I spoke to was of little help and kept blaming the French and the Germans and going on about policing the border and how much benefits they would claim.

I couldn’t get through to Roswell.

By the time I had hosed the fox shit from the dog, it didn’t seem that important.